change

its not easy to take the initiative to change something u are too used to in ur comfort zone. when being forced, u will build a thick wall in front, trying to protect urself, but how long can the wall last? it wont be too long until it falls into pieces, with u. so its important to break the wall urself before life does. the latter one will be even more painful. u can choose actually. two options, to stay in your comfort zone forever and living a below comfort life; or, u can CHANGE, to become better, break your own wall, moving forward. change. yes. especially your mindset, which will then affect your view, and attitude. To change your mindset is not an easy task, since u have get used to it for a long long time. but, if we were to upgrade yourself, we have to change... once u have decided to change then u have to open ur heart, listen to advice, critics and other harsh words. advice is hard to hear and accept but this is a process to make u a more matured, better person. so like it or not, if u wanna leave ur current situation, the only solution is, change your mindset. i am doing it. dun wait for someone to rely on, stand by urself and lead ur life.

emo a bit?

Today a bit down.. hmmmmmm.. cant be so negative for so long so i decided to relieve some here lol =P

This suits my current feeling now.. in order to be better, should we all go thru all these hardship? i wish i could skip them but seems like there is no other better way than to face all these to be stronger. if it is a must, i am lucky to face it when i am still young, i guess i will become more matured then, and stand out as a leader to be able to lead others. thats the goal, i am on the right track, just have to keep moving, follow the flow. I believe, one day, i will shine =D enough sulking then, go to have a rest! tomorrow will be a better day!

!!!

ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! phewwwww~ okie done. i forgive you.

Happy happy~~ =D

awwwwwwwwwww... dunno what happened to me but i feel so happy now (late at night before sleeping)~ suddenly feel like i am the luckiest person in the world~ i feel so thankful to everyone surrounded me, its becos of u guys i am so happy and cheerful =D love myself so much muax muax~ lol im not insane but... hmmm.. dunno how to explain in words.. i am not pretty, i am not perfect (instead i have lots of flaws lol), i am not smart not spontaneous enough to react, not clever i have still a lot to improve, im aggressive and sometimes stubborn.. i know. somehow, i am so thankful to have people around me to appreciate my presence and care for me, thanks my parents for giving me birth, thanks them for bringing me up from a kid to an adult, thanks my bro who always stand by my side =)thanks to my body, my heart, my brain etc.. thanks for those who bring me down or hurt me bcos of u guys im as cheerful and positive now~ i wish i could spread all my happiness to others. tq tq~~ =D i love u guys so muchie~~ okie i feel much normal now, times to off to bed~ cant wait for tomorrow~ its gonna be a great great one babe! and it will be the best one for u too!! cheer up! dun sulk! u are so much luckier than me~ ^^

you must love what you are doing!

'You must love what you are doing, before you can do well'. It is simple, yet u find it hard to obey the rule sometimes. but try it, u will be surprised coz it really does work =D i suddenly realised it when i was doing assignment, writing 2 reviews in 4 days time. then i keep on saying 'awww.. review again.. damn it i dun like assignment and i never will..' as a result, there are more and more assignments coming, more and more reviews to write.. =..=ll tat may sound funny but then i suddenly come across a thought. what if i learn to like and love them? then tat day onwards, i think on the other side, instead of i hate assignments. i think as, 'mmmm... nice! assignments! i love it~! bcos of the need to do assignment i force myself to learn, and that work out pretty good to me as i gain new knowledge, i feel more confident as i write more.' so whenever i need to do assignments or write a review i will tell myself 'hell yah! i can learn new things again~ yes!' lol its hilarious but try it. after i did tat, i find my progression in review writing is faster, i can concentrate better when reading journals. and i feel happier and wont like mumbling and emo-ing =D i guess it applies to everything too~ in daily life etc.. enjoy what i am doing can really make my day~ go to the class? 'hell yah i can meet friends and learn new things from the experts~' go to work? 'yes! i am making people impressed~im proud of my progress today! salary day is coming soon =P' doing house chores? 'hell yah my house is getting cleaner... mmmm.. feel nice to lay on the floor~!' there are so many things to be happy of, enjoy ur day, enjoy ur life~! and enjoy ur task! =D

Stalker

Recently, im always checking a person's profile out.. he is cool yep~ cute, smart, good at cooking but a bit nerdy though lol =..= someone i wanna talk to but dun have much chance, someone i wanna spend more time hanging out with but its kinda... erm.. difficult? i wonder will he read this and notice tat the person i meant is him? =P well.. maybe thats the so called 'admire'? Gosh..! seem like im attracted to guys who know how to cook and smart. Maybe because i love to eat and i need someone who is clever to compensate for my blurness and slow-reacting-brain =( i find that they are just so adorable and its an adding point for those who cook =D Imagine how nice it is when u back from work or school, once u open the door u can smell something nice and see the table is full with food? well.. i knew u would say tats so fattening! but who cares~ at most ill go jogging for few laps to burn the extra calories lol~ my supervisor said, be positive! if u think u can, u can! if u think it is easy, it is easy! so.. be positive and let it be~ if its mine, it will be mine =P

A pat on the head =)

Its time to sleep. I have decided to sleep earlier instead of 3-4am recently.. In the progress of adjusting my hormones, i seem to grow lots of pimples =( hope my body can fix it soon~ Before i sleep, i suddenly thought of my mum.. Since i was young, my mum was always strict and 'fierce'. Mum has never praised me, and she loves to nag me, until now, nothing has really change much. Apart of this, she is getting older.. I am always in dilemma, i love her so much but im afraid of her as well. I always want to achieve something just to impress her.. Actually what she wants is not what i have been fighting for. She just wants me to be safe, and healthy. As simple as that, mum's love is just.. too amazing. My mum is special, she never shows her caring and love in a nice way. Instead she makes it so hard sometimes. Mum has got bad tempered, i guess is partly due to over worrying bout me and she is not feeling well. Yet, sometimes some tiny little things, indicating how much she loves me. maybe just a petty matter, but yet it has got significant meaning to me. not long ago, my parents accompanied me to drive back from Taiping to Serdang. After that they went back home by bus, they just couldn't let me drive alone back. And i did feel sorry about that for being so troublesome =( before my mum got on the bus, she pat my head.. i suddenly felt like crying, i have always wanted that so long, a caring pat on the head, i felt loved and cared. Although i know they do love me so much, yet sometimes i do hope that they will show some intimacy. mum... thanks for your love and care. without you, i am nothing at all. i am glad that you are my mum and i wish if there is next life, you could be my daughter and i swear i would love you as much as you love me <3 thanks..!

Don't break your promises to yourselves

It's 6.35pm when i am writing this. UNBELIEVABLE i stay overtime in the lab as i ll leave mostly before 5.30pm. opps.. hope my dear supervisor won't read this =P
I wrote this because i feel so happy now. I accomplished the promises i did to myself yesterday =D i promised to jog at least 2 rounds at the lake and wash my car and without any excuses, i did them! i jogged for 3 rounds and washed my car after that. Surprisingly i was not tired at all and i managed to surpass my physical limit by jogging 3 rounds. Still remember last time i was just managed to make it to 1.5 round LOL. the moral of the story, you are more capable than what you think you are! I learn that the limit is set by ourselves, break it! because by doing so you will achieve something you always think you cannot do it.. satisfactory =)) and i feel as if i have more faith to myself. I believe if we always apply this to our daily life we can for sure improve ourselves and become more confident! Promises are not to be broken, not only promises you made to others, but also to yourselves which we often ignore it. you are equally important like others! Love yourself more and don't disappoint your faith towards yourself! believe you can do it and never look down and set limit to yourself. Remember. YEAH! kyleen is the best! and i believe you are too! =D

2012 new year resolution

in year 2011, a lot of unexpected things happened, both good and bad. I am glad that i survive and i believe i must have improved from either the harsh experiences and the sweet ones. =)

in year 2012, i am gonna be a better person, so i come out with a few 2012 new year resolutions =D

1) i will finish my master lab work, there is no such word as 'lazy'. i promise to myself, i must achieve it! why so in a rush? master in 3 sems? well..because i will need it if i want to convert to phD.

2) I will have a slimmer, healthier and fit body! recently I am getting rounder and rounder. Well.. i am heavier! =( so this year im gonna exercise more and have a proper diet, less fast food, sleep earlier. All beautiful clothes, wait for me!

3) I will achieve some good results in my monaVie business. 1st target is to at least earn stable extra 2k monthly apart from my postgraduate researcher salary. That would definitely help to reduce my family burden, I wish so much my parents dont have to work anymore..so i must work hard!

4) I will spend more time with my family. So, busy shouldnt be an excuse for me not going back home. i must visit them at least once in two months. Talk softly, lovingly, and listen more. Be a good girl and dun always get scolded by mum. >.<

5) i will look like a professional businesslady. I should sleep earlier (beauty sleep) so i will always look refreshing and nice and confident! hell yeah!

6) i wanna meet my mr right this year! so i could escape being continuously nagged by mum @@ and i guess, its time for me to have some relationship commitment, dun run away from it!

7) Be spiritual fit. I will embrace buddhism and learn and improve myself to be a better person according to the teachings. Be a considerate and wise lady!

8) Start writing diary! mistakes from past make a perfect reminder to avoid the same mistakes done again!

9) Love myself more, be a positive girls. dun sulk and depressed. Life goes on! so why move with a sad face instead of a happy cheerful mood?

10) Remove the word 'lazy' from my dictionary. I will be more disciplined this year!

Well.. i guess thats all for now, i have some petty detailed resolutions, but those i should jot them down and achieve one by one. Whats yours? mind to share with me? ^^